Savannah

I put Sav down. 

She's always been an off dog. She is not friendly, she can be quite aggressive. She barks like crazy and tore up my front hallway because people would deliver stuff. I can't really have people over because she's crazy but it's a pandemic so no big deal. 

I took her to the vet a few weeks ago and she had a mass in her belly. They said it was 50/50 cancer. I scheduled her surgery. But since then she's gotten increasingly aggressive. She doesn't like anyone but me. She doesn't hurt my kids or my cats (she has bitten Millie at least twice to bleeding) because she loves me. Maggie tells me to get rid of her and I say there is no getting rid of her; If she can't stay with us, she'll have to be put down. No one is going to take an aggressive, 90 pound, crazy dog. 

She had started growling and snapping at Maggie if she moved her feet under the blanket. Maggie was increasingly scared of her and would lock her out. 

Monday morning I got up and went to the bathroom. Sav was in there with me (like always) and a cat came in and rubbed up against her and Sav full on attacked her. I immediately reached over to stop her and she turned on me. She bit my arm and was coming back at me. I had to stand up and scream and then it was like she woke up. She ran out of the bathroom and laid down in her I'm sorry stance. My first thought was if she ever does that again, I'll have to put her down. But then I imagined if I hadn't been, she would have killed the cat. What if she attacked a cat and Maggie was there. No matter what I've told Maggie about never getting in the middle of a dog fight, she would try to protect the cat. And what would happen if Sav came at her. Sav outweighs her by 30 pounds. 

As I sat there and thought and thought, I realized she was too dangerous to keep. The thing about it is I know everyone hates Sav. Truly everyone who comes in contact with her, doesn't like her. But I love her. And she loved me. She loved me so much. She followed me everywhere in the house and used her nose to put my hand on her head. And if she could attack me, what else was possible?

I'm not writing anything else about it because I just can't. My heart is broken that this happened. I loved her so much and it wasn't her fault, you know. Someone abused her and made her crazy. But she loved and trusted me. I have cried myself to sleep the past three nights. This is the worst ever.

Recently

 Monday

I forgot to tell this story: when Ruby was first getting the melatonin, I couldn't figure out how she was doing it. So, I asked her and she said, "Magic." Very helpful.

Ruby was up, for the day, by 4:45 am, which is very rude. Maggie told me she wanted to go over to friend's house after school and she wanted to me to pick her up from there when I got home. But when I got there, she didn't want to leave yet. I told her she could stay another 45 minutes. Ruby was bereft. She begged me to let her go get a mask and come back and play with them. Oh she cried and it broke my heart.

Unsurprisingly, Ruby was grumpy on account of being so tired. Maggie got home on time but she had her friend walk with her and now the friend had to walk home alone. She has a cell phone but still. . . 

I put Ruby to bed at normal time but she was back up by 7ish. I went in there several times and she said, I want to sleep in your bed, Mommy, I promise I will be quiet. But, unfortunately, she just won't. She wiggles and wakes up. And, as if that weren't enough, she roams. Let's not forget the time she went outside sometime in the middle of the night (through the dog door) and I only know because she told me!

Tuesday

This morning, I had to go in Ruby's room and wake her up! at 7 am! and she asked if she could sleep a little longer! Crazy. Maybe all of her sleep craziness is cured and she won't be ridiculous anymore. Maybe. . . 

I picked up Maggie from her friend's house after school. I don't want Aliyah to have to walk back home after walking Maggie home. Maggie wants us all to go to the park together this weekend. 

Ruby woke up again a little while after she'd gone to bed, about an hour or so later. I gave her benadryl and she bawled that she wanted an apple. I had already given her yogurt because she said she was hungry. She's ridiculous. And 5! She is five years old. 

I ordered a lock box for medications. I'm not too worried about the melatonin but there are other meds she could possibly get into and I'd rather be safe than sorry. Ruby! 

Wednesday

It's Friday and man, I don't even know.

Thursday

I had a meeting (virtual) so Ruby watched her show and was good. After she went to bed, Maggie wanted to talk to me. We talked for almost an hour about so much stuff. Oh, and we did the night before too. She is so fun to talk to. It's different but good.

Friday

Ruby came and got in the shower with me this morning. She told me, Mama, you know how you have big farts? Ha! But I said sure kid. She said, my teacher has big farts too. I told her, I've got news kid: everyone farts and poops. She thought for a minute and said, does everyone go pee pee too? 

Update

 Wednesday

I didn't sleep well so I slept in. Ruby did too. She's hit or miss on sleeping. I tried unlocking her door sometime over Christmas break and she was up and out of her room by 4 am. I am genuinely unsure if I will ever be able to take that lock off. 

Maggie rides the bus to school. I drive her there most days because she asks me to. I drop off Ruby at school. 

When I picked Ruby up, she told me she saw her boyfriend again. And! it's the same boy. Isaiah. She told me she got to sit next to him during a movie and she loves him so much she could kiss him. Dear God. 

On Thursday she told me her teacher said, Ruby, stop following Isaiah around. She told me, I love him so much and I want to love him forever.

On Friday she told me he told her he's tired of sitting next to her and she told him she loved him. Then she said he told her he loved her. So, who knows. What is up with this kid that he inspires such devotion?

Also, when I picked Ruby up that Friday, her pinks were bright pink. At first, I thought she had used marker or paint on her face but then she told me it was from her runny nose. Uh oh. By the next day, she had a fever and clearly just felt bad.

I can't remember when Maggie started complaining about feeling bad. At first, I didn't really believe her because she will always claim to be sick if she thinks it will get her out of school. Plus she never gets too sick. Except she did. She was so sick. Poor little boo. She had a high fever and her face was blotchy and her eyes were bloodshot. They ended up being sick all the next week. I was sure they had Covid. Maggie never gets sick! But I got us all tested and we all came back negative. Maybe a flu or something. 

Ruby keeps stealing the melatonin. I keep it up on top of a bookshelf to keep it away from her. Although I don't want to, I know how she must be getting it. It's too tall for her stool or chair and I would notice if she were stacking. Which means. . . she must be climbing it. That kid! It's anchored to the wall because that was my big fear about putting shelves in my house. But still. . . what's wrong with her!

Christmas

 Here is Christmas morning. That table was to corral Millie. No longer needed, thank goodness.

Ruby has already destroyed the tent part of this big thing!

These are the gifts they "bought" for each other. I let them look up stuff and Maggie found these. She got the pink ones for Ruby and then asked Ruby to pick the black ones for her.

Millie is actually really good. She was not even a little potty trained but she's now accident free for. . . I don't know, a while. She's barking less too. She does love to steal shoes but she doesn't chew them up. I just find them in strange places. 

Christmas Eve. It was strange with so few people. It was still wonderful and delicious. Jill opened her two Christmas Eve presents and they were both clothes and hoo, she was not happy about that. Mark and I laughed until we were in pain. 

Look at this mess!

I got this big cat tree thing for less than $50 on Amazon!

What a beauty!

She is actually asleep in these pictures. She lays on her back in my arms and goes to sleep.

Almost caught up. . . sort of

 This is Millie when the other lady first got her. Man, that's shocking. Poor girl. There are more pictures of her at the bottom where she's plumped up and clean and beautiful.

Probably selfies.

Tummy dance.

Little tummy.

Big tummy.

She also does a kisses dance where she wiggles and blows kisses.

She loves three ponytails for some reason.

These are the letters we got back from the post office.

I woke up one morning and Maggie told me she had made me a surprise. She had made me a scavenger hunt with clues. The final thing was I love Mom. I made her a scavenger hunt afterwards and hid some of their Christmas candy to find at the end. 

Millie is very relaxed.