Wednesday, Day 47 of Quarantine

Ruby got up a little early again. I think I'm going to try putting her to bed a little later. We'll see. So far, she's freaked out if I've tried but. . . I guess I'll try.

We took Savannah on a walk. Maggie was desperate to get to her game so she did her school and chores at triple speed.

Ruby painted. It was scary but she did great.

I had forever long phone calls and another huge paper due. My brain is fried. I can't think. I know my work is not what it should be.

I think Maggie is about 5 or 6 in this picture.

Tuesday, Day 46 of Quaratine

I'm working today. I didn't work yesterday. It was just too much. Two dogs in a f*cking week. I actually slept well last night. I guess I was exhausted. We took Sav on a walk this morning.

Maggie freaked out about her chores today. Eh.

I'm sad today. What a day.

Maggie wanted money last night for Roblox. She begged for a chore that I would pay her for. I needed to clean the kitchen so I agreed to pay her if she did it instead. But I told her it had to be a good job. Dishes, counters, floor. Everything. She asked Ruby to help her and they got to work. They actually did do a pretty good job and I only had to tell them one time that it wasn't good enough. And yes, they cleaned in the nude. They do everything in the nude currently.

Monday, Day 45 of Quarantine

Jay is gone. I was so scared that would happen. He looked like he was still asleep. His eyes were barely open but he was dead. I covered him up and just went back to bed. I'm devastated. Ruby came running back and said, Jay's not gone, he's still here. I contacted the foster group and they said someone would come get him. The lady came and we got him up and out so he could be cremated.

On Sunday, every time he came and sat by me, I got down on the floor and loved on him. I figured I'm working so much, he's not always getting enough attention. I'm so glad. His last day was filled with love and pets and kisses.

I'm just so sad. Jay was such a good boy and I thought he'd made it over the hump. It was just too much for him. My poor old bud. Savannah is so sad. She's clearly grieving.

Sunday, Day 44 of Quarantine

We went to Nana and Gran's house for a Covid Birthday Party. Basically, we stayed mostly in cars and sang happy birthday. The kids made signs.

Jay was weird. He was so tired. He went outside to go potty and then wouldn't come in. I had to go pick him up and bring him in. Then he came back to my room and fell down and kicked his feet. At first, I thought he was just doing that dog thing where they are silly and roll around but then he cried out twice. I ran to him but he seemed fine. He was breathing fast and he wouldn't look at me. I knew something was wrong. I carried him to his bed and kept trying to check on him. I loved on him. I didn't know what to do.

Saturday, Day 43 of Quarantine

Not a bad day. Minimal screens so more playing and hanging out.

Friday, Day 42 of Quarantine

I slept in. WHY AM I SO TIRED??? I need to not be tired. I did go in Ruby's room but only once and I told her I wouldn't come back. It's really hard to ignore her.

I spent basically all day working on a stupid 16 page paper. Plus, you know, work work.

We (well, mostly me) watched the rest of Winter Soldier. In which I saw something great. So in the movie, Samuel L. Jackson (who plays Nick Fury), has to fake his death and, at the end, he goes to his tombstone. On his tombstone is the biblical verse Ezekiel 25:17, which is the cool thing Samuel L. Jackson says to people before he kills them in Pulp Fiction. Fantastic. Laurie and Jeff were way less impressed.

I watched Once upon a time in Hollywood after Ruby went to bed. It was really long. And a lot (I mean, a flamethrower. . .). Brad Pitt was great.

At bed time, I read Maggie James and from her blog book from 2012. I had written about a behavior system I was starting and put in her three biggest issues, which were mean words, hitting, and messing with the cats. Ha! It runs in the family. Maggie was shocked that she too was a cat torturer.

Hiding from Ruby. And perhaps Savannah.

Poor Buddy is staying either in the garage or outside while Ruby is awake. She will not leave him alone. Poor bud.

Thursday, Day 41 of Quarantine

I'm grumpy today. I'm better but this morning. . . yikes. I took Savannah on a walk sans girls. That helped.

I'm writing a 16 page paper which is so not fun.

Maggie got her schoolwork done. Her friend, Shae, set up a group google slide for their friends to communicate. So that's cool.

I'm done with quarantine. I mean not really. I don't want people to die unnecessarily. We're at almost 50,000 deaths in less than three months.

I took Sav on a walk in the evening. She freaks out when she sees other people/pets. It's like nothing I've ever seen. She can't run so she hops and you cannot believe how high she can leap straight in the air. Plus she makes this sound. It's horrible, like she's being tortured. I get LOOKS.

Wednesday, Day 40 of Quarantine

Ruby woke up about 30 minutes early and knocked on the door. I ignored her.

Oh! Last night, just as I was getting that jumpy falling asleep feeling, the stupid fire alarm chirped, scaring the ever-loving shit out of me. Stupid thing! Can't it break at 10 am???

The morning walk was crazy. Ruby just runs ahead and falls back and Maggie yells at her and smacks her and then Ruby cries. It's just crazy. But I know how much they need some outside time and exercise and that's pretty much all they get.

So many meetings! And phone calls!

I was so tired. I don't know why. I thought I got enough sleep. Maybe the gray weather.

Tuesday, Day 39 of Quarantine

Pretty good day. Ruby woke up a few minutes early but not at night. Hopefully, she'll stop. But! even if she doesn't, I swear I won't go in there.

Today was busy, busy, busy.

Monday, Day 38 of Quarantine

Ruby had a bad night. I got up with her twice for nothing and then realized, I had to stop. I've learned the lesson a million times. I have to ignore her or it will never stop. So after getting up with her, I ignored her. She didn't take it well. She screamed like crazy and pounded on the door. Definitely everyone in the house was up. It was awful but it's the only thing that works and I know that. Eventually she fell asleep. Tonight, I won't go in at all. She has everything she needs. She needs to learn to put herself back to sleep.

Today was a tired day. Ruby! I swear I'm done going in her room. This is a hard lesson that I just keep having to learn.

Sunday, Day 37 of Quarantine

So, yesterday. I had asked Richard if he going to get the girls, since it was technically his weekend, and, if he was, could he do it soon so I could take Spot to an emergency vet. But he didn't come until 6 pm. As soon as they left, I bundled Spot up and took him in. They aren't allowing any humans inside. You park at a numbered spot and call and they come get him and you talk on the phone with people to explain what's going on.

I told them he was diabetic and that Caitlin said seizures were typical for blood sugar being low so I had given him sugar water. But the seizures just wouldn't stop and he was non-responsive otherwise.

They called me back and told me that his blood sugars were actually so high they didn't register on the machine. They gave him insulin and anti-seizure meds and said they'd call me back soon. They called just a few minutes later and said he wasn't responding to the meds like he should. He seized twice after getting the medication and they had to give him Propofol (the Michael Jackson drug) to get him to stop seizing. They said he had several weird things in his blood work but they thought he might have a brain tumor, which is why he wouldn't stop seizing. She said he would need to be hospitalized for a long time and she still wasn't at all sure he could be saved. She recommended putting him down. I asked if I could be there and she said yes.

I drove back up there. Even for this, no one is allowed inside so they brought him to the parking lot wrapped up like a baby with a catheter. Because of the Propofol he was completely out. I just held him and rocked him. Poor old bud. But it's done. He's not in pain anymore.

I feel exhausted. So exhausted. And so sad. Poor bud.

When the girls got home, Maggie immediately asked about Spot. I told the girls he was gone and he couldn't be saved. Maggie was a little sad. Ruby asked me a couple of minutes later where Spot was. I just told her he'd gone to heaven to be with Reese and Greenlea.

Saturday, Day 36 of Quaratine

I woke up a couple of times last night hearing some strange sound. I thought it was one of the dogs scratching and accidentally hitting my treadmill. Then, at 5ish, the sound was on my tile and it crazy. I jumped up and turned on a light.

Spot couldn't stand. He would stand and fall and up and down. Like his legs were broken. He was foaming at the mouth (can you foam at anything else?) and there was blood. I made him lie down and tried to figure it out. At first, I thought maybe Sav had attacked him and he was really hurt but there wasn't that much blood. Then he started having a massive seizure. I held him down so he wouldn't crash into the floor over and over. It was awful. He kept having seizures for hours. I finally called Caitlin and she said to try sugar water. I did and he stopped seizing. Unfortunately, he still can't stand up. He's just laying there. I tried to give him food but that caused another seizure.

His legs don't work. When he tries to stand they are at funny angles. I don't know what to do. Caitlin said he probably needs hospitalization, which I cannot afford. Not to mention and emergency vet bill, since it's a Saturday.

Friday, Day 35 of Quarantine

Another bad night for sleep but no one came and yelled at me so still looking up.

I ended up going back to bed at 9:30. Ruby bugged me a ton but I did sleep some and I stayed in bed until 11:30 am. This is the worst. Today is a picture day. Hold, please.

Here's my bud, peeking. Beds are tall.

 Ruby is spreading the love. Can't you tell by Buddy's face?

 A whole other night of peeking. He's so handsome.

Thursday, Day 34 of Quarantine

Last night was awful. Truly, truly awful. I didn't walk Sav yesterday on account of an awful day and she kept barking. Finally, I just closed the dog door so she couldn't get outside. But, as I was doing that, my doorbell started ringing. And ringing. And ringing. Even after I opened the door, the lady kept ringing and then started screaming at me. She said she had cancer last year and Puddles had bothered her. I told her I was sorry and I would take care of it.

I went back in and Maggie was freaked out. I got her to calm down and go to sleep and then Ruby was up. She had a nightmare and was just hysterical. I finally got her calmed down but she was back up and down and up and down and up and down. I tried to let her come sleep with me (which I never do but she was so upset) but she couldn't sleep. I finally told her her superhero story. I told her she was a superhero and this was her super special room with her super special bed and super special blanket. After that she stayed down. She was up and down from 12:30-3 am. Yuck.

We got up this morning and took Sav on a walk first thing. I'm going to keep the dog door closed. That will make it easier to make sure Sav isn't barking constantly. I don't usually notice dog barking. Almost all my neighbors have dogs and they all bark and I just don't notice it but apparently other people do. I'm not sure what I'll do about the cats. They've gotten used to coming and going as they please.

The day has gone so much better. What a freaking difference a 35 minute walk makes! Despite getting very little sleep and having a crazy busy work day, I've been mostly okay. Sav is sad she can't go outside whenever she wants but she'll figure it out. I don't know how else to fix it.

At 3:30-ish, exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks. I still had to check in via zoom with one of my kids. But I was mostly done. Ruby seemed really tired too. I guess she was all night too.

Wednesday, Day 33 of Quarantine

Today is HARD. Work is insane. I don't want to complain because I'm lucky to have a job. But man, it's really hard to do full time work with Ruby around. We need a walk. Just waiting on a break.

No break came. What an awful day. Tomorrow I have to go on a walk first thing otherwise stuff gets bad. There's this lady at my work who talks a lot. And not all of it is important but some of it is so I can't just shut it down. But I have all this work and. . .

Anyway, first thing in the morning: go on a walk. It's so important. When we don't, the kids are crazy. I'm super grumpy and just blah. This day has been the pits. No more. I'm ready for tomorrow.

Tuesday, Day 32 of Quarantine

The morning was scream-y. I was back to work. Maggie has school. It was bananas. Once I got off the phone, I insisted the girls come on a walk. It was magic. Maggie was annoyed Ruby wasn't staying close enough to her so Maggie told Ruby they used to have a brother but he got kidnapped because he didn't listen to me. So, there's that.

Maggie did so many chores today and with almost no complaining! Ruby's been playing and bringing chaos. She keeps getting Sav all revved up and then she chases Buddy. It's just bananas here.

Jay is eating!!! He's eaten a lot today. He's still resting a lot but it seems better today.

Monday, Day 31 of Quarantine

This was a better day. Maggie did all her school work and chores. The morning included awful fighting so I made them both join me on the walk. That helped calm everyone down.

This is from last week when Maggie did her big Zoom meeting with her entire grade. She was so excited.

 This is my view of sweet little Jay. He's so sweet and subtle. Like, hey here I am if you wanted to pet me.

 This little guy couldn't figure out how to get out from under our covered porch. Luckily, he figured it out without getting eaten.

 Poor Jay. He's struggling so bad. This is awful. He's only done half of his treatment. I think the whole thing would have killed him. I check his breathing multiple times every day. I had no idea it would be so awful.

Sunday, Day 30 of Quarantine

Easter! I went and got Ruby and put her in my room and made them stay. I figured if I put the candy out last night, the dogs would have a blast eating it all.